My Fear Story

When I was growing up I heard of psychiatrists and psychologists and for a while, I thought that’s what I was meant to do with my life but when I realized how much schooling and money it took I thought to myself, oh hell no. So, the next thing was counselors but from what I read years ago, you damn near had to do as much as someone looking to be a psychologist, so again, hell no. If I am honest, fear was a major factor in my not pursuing those career choices. Just to clarify, the reason I said no isn’t because I don’t like learning because I do. I’m constantly learning about all different topics that I never thought I’d be into. Over the years I’ve read and research all sorts of things which keeps me pretty well-rounded if I do say so myself.

That “Go To” Girl

Back to what I was originally talking about, the reason I considered those professions is because literally, everyone in my life was coming to me for advice or some type of guidance. The guidance they sought ranged from fear, self-love, relationships, insecurities, motivation, health, cooking, beauty, hair, passion, etc. The list goes on and on. Even people I barely knew or even liked at times would come to me for advice! A lot of times people just wanted to know my opinion on a specific topic. For some reason, they were intrigued by what I thought about certain things, which is kind of nice when I think about it.

I Tell It Like It Is But Never To Hurt

I am not saying that the people who asked for my opinions always like my answers because they didn’t. There are many times they became defensive, argumentative and just plain mad but one thing they did know is that I kept it real. The one thing I’m known for is my honesty. I am not going to sugarcoat anything. I’m a “tell it like it is” kind of woman and if you don’t want me to keep it real then don’t ask. I’m a straight-shooter with no apologies about it. 

Too many people tell others what they want to hear. I tell you what you need to hear regardless if you want to or not. I’m not saying that I force my opinions on people but if they choose to ask me, they must do so knowing that I’m going to be honest and straightforward so there are no misunderstandings about my answer. Many people describe me as being blunt and I’ll take that because I am but I never say the things I say to be hurtful, I honestly don’t. I tell people what I would want someone to tell me if I were in the same situation. Yeah, I’ll admit that sometimes it may come across bluntly but I never mean to offend anyone.

Most people come to me when they want a real answer, not just a “yes” woman. It’s funny because most times they come back after thinking about something I said to tell me I was right all along but they didn’t want to admit it to themselves. Am I always right? No… but I try! I think a lot of us have a hard time holding ourselves accountable because of the fear we feel with facing ourselves… myself included.

Taking Accountability In Life

My tactics are to get a person to hold themselves accountable for their life and decisions. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about their lives or a particular situation but don’t take accountability for the part they played in it. I’m not saying they don’t have the right to feel bad or even complain because they do, but I hate when people lie to themselves and play the victim. Damn, that crawls up under my skin! Are their victims out here in the world? Yes, of course, but we all know those people that walk around with that chip on their shoulder like the world owes them something and it’s everybody else’s fault. Again, I know a lot of it is due to the fear we feel inside.

In no way am I claiming to be perfect because I am far from it. I’m not just saying it because it sounds good. I am so far from perfection, I have to laugh and cry about it at times. Whatever battles with fear I struggle through, the one thing I’ve learned is to never lie to myself and take accountability for my life and the situations I’ve helped to put myself in. How the hell would I expect to grow and change if I am lying to myself and blaming other people for everything effed-up in my life? 10 years from now I will be in the same place still bitching and complaining. That’s not where I want to be or where I want others to be. Damn, I had to vent for a second but I digress. laughing

What Is A Life Coach?

Back to the topic at hand, a few years ago this term life coach started popping up so let’s dive into that. What is a life coach? Well, before we get into what a life coach is, let’s talk about what a life coach is not. A life coach is not a psychiatrist, psychologist or a counselor. I’m not saying that these people can’t be life coaches but a person doesn’t have to be in one of these professions to become a life coach. From the research I’ve done, a person doesn’t have to have any special degrees or licenses to become a life coach although I have read there are special programs that help you become better qualified to be a life coach if that’s what you choose to do. I would recommend going to the ICF website to learn more about life coaching and how to become or obtain one. So now that we’ve talked about what a life coach isn’t, let’s explore what a life coach is. The definition in the dictionary is a person who counsels and encourages clients on matters having to do with careers or personal challenges. To go a little further, I’ve read that life coaches work with people one-on-one or in groups to help them make successful changes in their lives. 

 

Typically, the client has a goal they want to achieve and life coaches use specific skills and strategies to help them achieve it. What skills are needed to be a life coach? Some skills I saw where excellent listening and questioning skills, the ability to bond, inspire and motivate clients to achieve goals and the confidence to challenge clients in a caring way. There are many different websites that explain their definition of what a life coach is and what they do… just google it!

It’s Not My Place To Judge

Wow, those are a lot of characteristics people used to describe me. I can’t tell you how it makes me feel when the people I talk to express that because of me they’re a better person or I make them look at life in a way they’ve never thought too. I love the feeling of knowing I helped someone overcome their fear or at least recognize it and the restrictions they are putting on themselves. I think it’s because of the ability I have to see through people. I have always been able to connect to a person’s soul. I’m blessed with a way of seeing past a person’s actions and certain characteristics to who they are authentically. A lot of us show people what we want them to see and hide who we truly are inside. Over the years, I have gotten people to show me the inner side they usually choose to hide from others.

I think it’s because they can feel I am not judging them. Whoever they are, wherever they come from and whatever they’ve done, I try hard never to judge. Honestly, I feel it’s not my place to judge other people. What I choose to do is ask them certain questions to enable them to be their own judge. I don’t need to tell a person who to be or what to do. I help them do that for themselves. Now, if they ask me specifically how I feel, I will answer, while still helping to direct them to discover things for themselves. I’m not saying I may not have an opinion on a person’s actions because I do, frequently in fact but I try very hard not to judge them because of it. Again, it’s not my place to judge others. There are enough people in the world judging how we live, what we look like, what we have or don’t have, how we act and so on. I choose not to be one of those individuals.

Fear Of Imperfection When Helping Others

I mentioned earlier in this blog post that one reason I didn’t pursue psychiatry, psychology or being a counselor is because of the cost and the demand of all the schooling but there is another reason…fear of imperfection. I always wondered, how I can tell others what to do if I am not perfect myself. One thing I’ve realized over the years is that even without being perfect, I help people all the time. The truth is I will never be perfect. I will always have more to learn and there will always be room for me to grow. Just when I think I have it all figured out, something will happen to make me realize that life is the journey of NOT knowing which will always leave me with more to learn and that’s a beautiful thing when I think about it. If I wait for perfection before I feel I can be of value to myself or others, I will always be stuck in the same place waiting for some magical moment to show me I’m ready instead of realizing that I’ve been ready… I’m already doing it. I already possess value. People have been telling me this for years but I just need to see it for myself. I don’t need to be perfect to help someone. The fact that I help others while being imperfect proves that.

A lot of what I do is to try to teach people through my experiences. I have gone through trials and tribulations that have left me with fear, pain, anger, resentment, regret, lack of self-confidence, restrictions I place on myself and more. The one thing all of these feelings have taught me is to not become sour in life. I’m still spiritual, silly, playful, loving, compassionate, grateful, non-judgmental and optimistic. Believe me, I take s*** from no one. I have a hard shell to protect a very sensitive, compassionate, caring and lovable side but when you break through that barrier… you’re in! I say all of this to express that I am human. I go through ups and downs and highs and lows just like everyone else. We are all unique but in a lot of ways, we have many similarities that bring us together as people. I feel one of the main similarities is fear and the restrictions we put on ourselves.

I’m just now beginning to admit to myself that the purpose of my existence is to guide others through my experiences. I am still a work in progress but it doesn’t mean I can’t help others through their journey as I continue to walk through mine. Believe it or not, helping other people has also helped me and that’s the beautiful thing about life! It’s just a continuous circle of feelings and experiences that we go through to help ourselves and each other. 

There you have it, folks! That’s me in a nutshell! Well not really… this nut has a lot of layers under my shell but I will continue to pull them back one by one until I am truly living a F.E.A.R. Lifestyle!cool

Instead of walking through life in fear…

Let’s all live a F.E.A.R. Lifestyle!! Be You… Be Free!

F.E.A.R. = Freely Eliminate All Restrictions

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